Stupid Statements (part I)

Paris Hilton, the infamous Hollywood bimbo has said some pretty stupid things in her life and here is another one. During an interview, she was asked about her feelings with respect to fishing. She replied, “I love fishing. I like to catch the little critters but I don’t eat them. I just put them right back because I feel really bad for them. I am a human being. I have feelings.” If she really feels bad for them and she has feelings, then why does she fish so that her fishing hook with its barb goes into the mouths of the little critters and then later yank it out of their mouths, thereby pulling away some of the flesh from the little critter’s mouths?

Hollywood actress Sharon Stone said during an interview in Caanes after the May 2008 earthquake in China. “I have been concerned about, oh, how shall we deal with the Olympics? Because they are not being nice to the Dalai Lama, who is a good friend of mine. And then this earthquake and all this stuff happened and I thought, 'Is that karma, when you're not nice that the bad things happen to you?” Later she apologized by saying, “Due to my inappropriate words and acts during the interview, I feel deeply sorry and sad about hurting Chinese people. She’s sorry because her remarks flew around the world at the speed of light and sad that now everyone knows she should only speak from a script on screen and keep her mouth shut when being interviewed.

Britney Spears, a U.S. Pop Singer made this profound statement, "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." This foolish woman later said, "Where the hell is Australia anyway?" If she doesn’t know where Canada is, it doesn’t surprise me that she also doesn’t know where Australia is.

Some twit in Decca Records in rejecting the Beatles in 1962 wrote the Beatles’ manager, "We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out." How long was it before this twit was on his way out?

There was a lawyer in Toronto named Peter Shoniker who was involved with money laundering. One day he was talking to a friend on the phone and his friend suggested that he be very careful as to what he was saying on the phone as the police might be listening to their conversation via a telephone tap. Shoniker replied, “There isn’t a judge in the city who would authorize a tap on my phone lines.” There was such a judge and after Shoniker’s trial for money laundering, in which the jury heard the tapes, he was convicted, sent to prison and disbarred as a lawyer.

Paul Bernardo murdered 14-year-old Leslie Mahaffy (1991) and 15-year-old Kristen French, (1992) after he sexually abused them in his home. He was sentenced to 25 years to life. He was also sentenced to an indefinite term of imprisonment as a dangerous offender for the rape of 20 women in Toronto. Bernardo said in June 2008 that he thought he would make a good parole candidate in 2010. He said he used sex as a means of control to compensate for his deep-seated insecurities, but that he has since changed. He further said, “My thing was not to hurt these girls at all. I wake up every day knowing I'm not psychopathic. I care about people.” I would be very surprised if Bernardo could medically prove he no longer harbours psychopathic tendencies and presents no future risk to the public.

Joseph Fritz, 73, of Austria, was charged in April 2008 with raping his daughter and siring seven of her children and imprisoning her in a dungeon for 24 years along with a number of her children. After he was arrested, he said, “I’m not a monster. I could have killed all of them then nothing would have happened. No one would have ever known about it.” Keeping you child and her children prisoners and raping your own child many times is not monstrous?

In Sidney, Australia, on June 10, 2008, a judge halted a drug conspiracy trial after some of the jurors were found playing the puzzle game Sudoku. The 66-day trial had cost taxpayers an estimated $950,000. The jury foreman admitted to the judge that he and several other jurors were playing puzzle games for up to half the time the trial had been going on. Here comes his ridiculous statement. “It helps me keep my mind busy paying more attention." I doubt that he or the other fools on that jury could have given either tasks the full attention needed to deal with a complicated conspiracy trial.

Here is a twist on confessions. It was said by David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."

Charles De Gaulle, a former French President once said, “China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.” That would be about as redundant as saying, “All the citizens of France are French.”

Barbara Boxer, U.S. Senator said after an earthquake, "Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive.But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again." I don’t know who is dumber; that senator or those who elected her to office.

Bob Dole, a U.S. Senator from Kansas said, "Life is very important to Americans." I think life is very important to everyone else in the world and not just to Americans.

Dick Gephardt, a Missouri representative said, "What we have is two important values in conflict: freedom of speech and our desire for healthy campaigns and a healthy democracy. You can't have both." Why not?

Dan Quayle, a former U.S. Vice-President once said, "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." Make up your mind, Dan. What century did you live in?

I love Dan’s next statement. "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago" Not only did he not know what century he was in; he didn’t even know what state he was in. I can tell you that I know what state he was in. Mindless.

Here is proof he didn’t know where he was. "I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix." Didn’t he know that Phoenix is in Arizona? How did he ever find his way back to Washington, D.C?

Read his next profound statement from the mind of a man whose mind is lost or non-existent. "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." Yeah, Dan. You ought to know.

I love this statement he made, it is so profound. "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."


Carl Gunter, a Louisiana state representative, explained why he was fighting a proposed antiabortion bill that allowed abortion in cases of incest. "Inbreeding is how we get championship horses." Didn’t he know that inbreeding amongst humans results in the birth of defective children?

Bill Clinton, former U.S. President said after he left office; "I don't think the Republicans can damage my character." It was damaged beyond repair when the world learned that while he was the president of the United States, he was having oral sex with one of his White House interns.

This statement was made by none other than, Dwight Eisenhower when he was president of the United States. "The world is more like it is now then it ever has before." Working your way through that statement is like working your way through a traffic jam. You will get through it eventually. Thanks Ike for my puzzle of the day.

Chuck Knox, who was best remembered as the head coach of three National Football League teams, the Seattle Seahawks, Buffalo Bills, and the Los Angeles Rams made an interesting statement.
"Football players win football games." Thanks Chucky boy. I didn't know that.

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach one said, "You guys line up alphabetically by height." What are the chances that the players can line up in that way? One in a thousand? One in a million? One in a …..?

Bill Peterson also said, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Does he know the difference between a circle and a line?

Believe it or not, this same dumbo also said, "You guys have to run a little more than full speed out there." Isn’t that like saying, “You have to move faster than the speed of light?” Obviously, both speeds are impossible to achieve.

Casey Stengel, a famous baseball player/manager said, "The team has come along slow but fast."

David Garcia, baseball team manager said after the end of a game; "The only reason we're 7-0 is because we've won all seven of our games." Wow! I would never have figured that out.

Alan Minter, a former boxer who was middleweight champion of the world said, "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing; but none of them serious." I think some boxers suffered from brain injuries also.

Chuck Nevitt, a North Carolina State basketball player, explained to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice. "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." Maybe he thought that if his sister had a girl, he would be an aunt.

Dennis Rodman, NBA basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being overrated "Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something." Did he really get a college scholarship?

Dan Osinski, a baseball pitcher when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices replied, “Better make it six, I can't eat eight.”

Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series. "The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing." He should have finished his sentence with the word, ‘wrong’. Now you know why he was called, ‘Dizzy’.

Bob Costas, an announcer said during the Parade of Nations in the 2000 Summer Games in Sydney, Australia, "Next up is the Central African Republic located in central Africa." Is that any more ludicrous than saying, “Joe Blow is playing centre field that is located in the centre of the field.”

David Coleman, a sportscaster said, "Morcelli has four fastest 1500-metre times ever. And all those times were at 1500 metres." We all knew that, dummy.

I like his next statement, "And here's Moses Kiptanui ---- the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago"

Did he get any brighter as time moved on? "Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs"

This next statement of his will really sit you on your ass. "There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes." The words that crossed my mind when I read that statement was; ‘ding bat’

This statement of his should remain with you all of your life. "There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people"


Doug Collins, a basketball commentator once said, "Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win." No kidding. I would never have guessed that.

In 1899 Charles H. Duell, Commissioner of the U.S. Office of Patents, said, "Everything that can be invented has been invented." Too bad he didn’t live long enough to see space rockets.

David Miller, U.S, DOE spokesperson, on protecting yourself from nuclear radiation said; "All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath." His theory is that you get to choose your method of dying by drowning or by nuclear radiation. Thanks for the tip, David.

Some stupid newspaper editor put in the Detroit Daily News "The weather forecast is: precipitation in the morning, rain in the afternoon." Did this dumbo not know that precipitation and rain are the same thing?

Michael Bloomberg, the mayor of New York City and founder and CEO of Bloomberg, LP, a financial management firm said, “God forbid one of our people go to work for a competitor. Then we all heartily and really do hope that they fail. In their new job, they have an avowed purpose to hurt their old coworkers. They have become a bad example. Period." What this means is that he expects his employees to remain with him forever, even if they are unhappy with his firm and even if they are offered better pay elsewhere. If I were working for a man who made a statement like that, I too would quit and go elsewhere.