Stupid Statements (part II)

We all make slips of the tongue on occasion but the following people made slips of their minds.

Rev. Jesse Jackson said about Presumptive U.S. Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama in July 2008 when he was responding to a question from a fellow guest about speeches Obama had given on morality to black churches.

"I want to cut his nuts out." He later acknowledged that it was wrong for him to use the term, but noted that he did so in private to a reporter. He should have made sure that what he told the reporter was definitely off the record. Not only that, he should have made sure that he wasn’t being recorded by the reporter.

23-year-old Christopher J. Jones was accused of stealing a pick-up truck in Phoenix, Arizona on July 31, 2008 and subsequently raced down a highway with police vehicles in hot pursuit. He was arrested later that day after SWAT officers stormed a home in far west Phoenix where he had barricaded himself. He resisted arrest so he was charged with unlawful flight, two counts of assaulting a police officer and two counts of auto theft. As he was led into police headquarters in handcuffs, Jones had a few words for CBS News cameras. "It wasn't a crime spree, it was an accident. I didn't even know what I was doing. I blanked out, dude." Is that the same as saying that he was sleepwalking when he committed the crimes?

Radovan Karadzic was the political head of Bosnia and he gave his approval that the armed Bosnian/ Serbian forces slaughter 8,000 Muslim men and boys from the town of Srebrenica that took place over a period of several days in 1995. Years before he was arrested but after the slaughter of the Muslims, he told a reporter, “I do not hate Muslims.” If that is so, then what did he do to those he actually hated?

President Bush is renowned for his stupid statements. He is obviously not the brightest light that has been a fixture in the White House. Here are some of his gaffes.

He told a high-level meeting of Pentagon officials in August 2004 when he was speaking about terrorists. "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people---- and neither do we."

Take this quote from a speech he made in Japan: "My trip to Asia begins here in Japan for an important reason. It begins here because for a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times. From that alliance has come an era of peace in the Pacific." Where was he when Japan attacked the United States in 1941 and the Americans bombed Hiroshima and Nagasaki with atomic bombs in 1945?

Offering a grammar lesson guaranteed to make any English teacher cringe; US President George W Bush told a group of New York school kids in September 2007: "Childrens do learn." The plural for ‘children’ is ‘children’ and not ‘childrens’

Bush seemed to answer his own question with the same kind of grammatical twist. "As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured."

During his first presidential campaign, Bush --- who promised to be the "education president" --- once asked: "Is our children learning?" It should have been, “Are our children learning?”

On September 6, 2004 while giving a speech in Popular Bluff, Missouri, President Bush said; “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.” I wouldn’t attempt to interpret that line even with a ten-foot pole.

On October 8, 2004 during the second presidential debate being held in St. Louis, Missouri, President Bush said, "I hear there’s rumours on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft." What this dummy doesn’t know is that there is only one Internet in the world so when speaking of it, you don’t use the plural; Internets. When he opened his mouth to speak, his listeners were assailed by the draft coming out of his mouth.

On November 6, 2000, President Bush when answering a question about something he said in Bentonville, Arkansas, replied; "They misunderestimated me." First of all there is no such word in any English dictionary. He should have said that they misunderstood him. I think they misunderstood him immediately after he opened his mouth.

Some statements are tasteless and that makes them stupid statements. Mike Ward, a popular Quebec comedian was doing a stand-up routine on June 27, 2008 in Montreal’s ‘Just for Laughs’. He decided to make a joke about Quebec’s Provincial tax collection department and quipped; "Revenue Quebec, they’re mentally ill. You owe them eight dollars and they will kidnap your kids. They’re the ones who have little Cedrika." The little girl he was referring to was previously kidnapped on July 31, 2007 and hasn’t been seen since. He has been chastised by prominent media personalities and he said that everywhere he goes; people stare at him with disgust on their faces. Is he surprised at their reaction to his tasteless remark?

Lawyers are renowned for making stupid statements but here is a doozy. His client, Valery Steele had attended a bail hearing in Toronto for her 21-year-old son. The judge asked her if she had any difficulty with her son complying with the terms of his earlier bail and she replied, "No. I haven’t had any problems at all." When asked if her son ever disobeyed her in any way since she was his surety while he was on bail. She replied, "No. He always obeys." The police wire-tapped her phone and she was overheard saying to her friends how despairing she was because of her recalcitrant disobedient son. Further, he was supposed be at home by curfew and yet, she didn’t know where he was and at the time of this writing, she still doesn’t know where he is. She was charged with perjury for misleading the court. Now comes the statement of her lawyer, Aston Hall. He said; "Even if her testimony misled the court, her primary or main intention was not to mislead the court but to obtain her son’s release, and therefore it has not been proven that she made a false statement under oath with the intent to mislead." Now if you can decipher that mumble jumble, I am compelled to ask you this question. Would you hire this mouthpiece to prepare your will?

Dennis Edney, a lawyer, represents suspected terrorist Omar Khadr who is on trial for terrorism. He is the young man who was part of a terrorist family in Canada who decided that he wanted to go to Afghanistan and fight the Americans. He was 15 years of age when he got the opportunity to fight the Americans. During a firefight, it is alleged that he threw a hand grenade at them and a soldier was killed in the blast. When questioned, the lawyer said, "Nothing I have seen in Khadr, has given me the sense that he is anything but a nice young man." Suppose he was aware that a tiger killed and ate a human being. Would he later say, "Nothing I have seen in the tiger, has given me the sense that it is anything but a nice young kitty."

Sometimes stupid statements are found in large corporations.

Microsoft Corp. in Redmond Washington had this posted on the notice board in the lunch room. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." I would like to be a fly on the wall and see what happens when the first employee tries to get in without his security card.

The Advertising/Marketing manager at United Parcel Service made this announcement. "This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." Is that not like saying that the project is so important, he doesn’t want a fire in the building next to the propane tank next to them that is about to explode to interfere with working on the project.

The Plant Manager, at the head office of Delco Corporation said at a meeting of his senior staff, "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." Speaking for myself, I would rather have it done right than have it arrive on time as a piece of crap.

Here is a quote from a marketing executive at Citrix Corporation "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." That sounds a lot like a statement that President Bush would make.

Here are some more stupid statements from well known people who should know better than open their mouths to speak.

Winston Bennett, a basketball player at the University of Kentucky said, "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." Where did he think knee surgery could be performed? At the back of his head?

When Clinton was the president of the United States, he was under investigation and his wife, Hillary said, "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." When she used the words ‘Our’ and ‘We’ it confirmed what I always believed. His wife Hillary was the real president in the White House.

You can appreciate why I made that statement when you consider what her husband, Bill Clinton later said "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." Ohh. That is so profound.

The former Australian cabinet minister, Keppel Enderbery once said, "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." Think about that statement for a moment. It is exports that come from overseas. Imports are sent overseas. I hope he wasn’t Australia's Minister of Trade.

As we all know, when young women are competing to be Miss America, they are asked a question so that the audience and the judges can determine as to whether or not the young competitors are what Americans can admire in women. On September 17, 1994,
Alabama’s Heather Whitstone was asked the following question.

"If you could live forever, would you, and why would you want to live forever?" Her reply was; "No. I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." I guess there is a gem of knowledge somewhere in that statement. Good luck in finding it. She was selected as Miss America for 1995. Obviously, in the United States, beauty takes precedence over brains.

Some of the American congressmen are not the brightest people in Washington. This is a statement made by one of those congressmen in which he was chastising someone else. He said, "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." By asking that statement, he confirmed what many Americans suspect to be true. He really is a jackass.

Joe Theisman, a NFL football quarterback & sports analyst made the following statement. "The word ‘genius’ isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." He obviously didn’t study physics in school. If he had, he would know that the genius he was talking about was Alfred Einstein.

Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman when advocating the use of private heart monitors, said; "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." If anyone wakes up in the morning after they have died, not only will there be a record; it will be bloody miracle.

Colonel Gerald Wellman, a ROTC Instructor said, "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." Is that any different than saying; “ We don’t kill people in Iraq. We simply stop them from breathing.”

The temptation to go back to President W. Bush’s gaffes again is so overwhelming since his statements are so stupid, I am returning to them.

He said in 2000, "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." Oh, my. I never would have known that if he hadn’t made that statement. By the way, it should have been, "....he or she..." and not "...he or her...." His grammar has much to be desired.

He said on November 2, 2000 at the Bellevue Community College, "If you don't stand for anything, you don't stand for anything!" Yep! He is known to repeat himself to get the message across to his listeners. Yep! He’s known to repeat himself to get the message across to his listeners.

This ignoramus of sayings said on September 29, 2000 in Saginaw, Michigan, "I know that human beings and fish can coexist peacefully." Uhh? Think about this. This is the man that whose finger is only metres away from the button of the nuclear bomb. I suppose what he had in mind when he made that statement was, that once he has destroyed all of mankind with his nuclear bombs, he can cohabit with the fish in the sea.

He said on January 27, 2000 in a speech in New Hampshire, and I quote; "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." Someone should pour a bucket of slops on his head. But knowing how well he is guarded by the Secret Service, it would be just as hard to do that as it would be for us to put food on our families. By the way; grammatically speaking, he should have used the word, 'our' instead if 'is'.

He said in October 2000, "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." If you are ever able to find the logic in those last four words, please let me know. If wings can dream, maybe there is some hope for my legs.

He said in a speech on May, 10th, 2000, "I think we agree, the past is over." Yep! And I think we can also agree that we are currently in the present and that the future is definitely ahead of us.

There you have it. Later, I will give you some more of these tidbits to devour in glee.