HOW TO WRITE A STORY

  This article is directed to people who like writing fictional stories or wish to write fictional stories.

I studied creative writing at York University in Toronto, Canada many years ago and before and after 2006 when I retired, I wrote eight books of which three are novels and three are books of short stories that have been published.  I have also written a play that has also been published.

        

Years ago, I was asked to review a book of an acquaintance of mine. As you read my review, it will give you some idea as to what you shouldn’t do when you are writing a story.  And now, my review.

            Review of Chapter One of

     FOUR CORNERS OF THE KINGDOM

     as written by Alison Pentland Folk

 The review is done by Dahn Batchelor

NOTE: I shall refer Allison Folk as the author

I wish to say from the onset that I really enjoyed reading the first chapter of this story. It is truly a 'fairy tale'  about 'fairies' and I suppose the best word I can find that describes this story is the word, 'enchanting'

However, I can't help but wonder how this story differentiates from those of 'Brother's Grimm' in which their stories began with "Once upon a time....."

The "Writer's Encyclopedia' has this to say about fantasy.

        

"There are other definitions of science fiction, and much disagreement in academic circles as to just what constitutes science fiction and what constitutes fantasy.  This is because in some cases, the line between science fiction and fantasy is virtually non-existent. Despite the controversy, it is generally accepted that, to be science fiction, a story must have elements of science. Fantasy on the other hand, rarely utilizes science, relying instead on magic, mythology and neo-mythological beings and devices and outright invention for conflict and setting."

In the book, "Modern Fantasy" by C.N. Manlove, the author describes what he thinks 'fantasy' is when he says in his introduction;

A fiction story evokes wonder and contains a substantial and irreducible element of supernatural with which mortal characters in the story or readers become on at least partly familiar terms.

George Lucas, the film-maker says of the fantasy genre;

        

In order to make fantasy work, you have to create a kind of Immaculate reality that exists for the moment of the movie.

 By 'reality' he means that it has to appear as being real.

If a fantasy is powerfully presented or realized, it can produce an imprint in our imaginations deep enough to give it a measure of truth or reality. But that, we know at the onset, is to be impossible. Even Sir Conan Doyle with his photographs of 'fairies' in his book, "The Coming of the Fairies" wasn't convincing enough to bring credence to all of his readers.

Tolkien's book, "Lord of the Rings"  was a deliberate attempt at writing a large-scale adult fairy-story and is no different in concept than that of Wagner's creations such as "The Twilight of the Gods"  and his "The Ring of the Nibelung"

I have prefaced my review with the following remarks because I want to emphasize that in my respectful opinion, the author's novel, is pure fantasy without any hint of being science fiction.

I am of the same school of thought of some of those academics who believe that although fantasy and science fiction cross the imaginary lines on occasion, this author's novel, at least in the first chapter of her novel, is at the opposite end of the spectrum. It is pure fantasy. It is pure fairy tale and it is with this in mind, that I reviewed her work.

Many fantasies are 'dark and Celtic' but this novel is more pastoral—at least in the first chapter.

I do not have the advantage of having looked at the outline or synopsis of her novel so it is very difficult for me to know what the plot is.

I have kept one very important thing in mind however and that is the importance of the first chapter of the book. It has been stated by some readers in publishing houses, that if they like the first chapter, they will read on, if not, the book goes back to the writer unread.

There are five questions that must be asked and answered in the first chapter of any novel in order for the reader to have some idea of what the novel is about.  It needs the five Ws. They are;

1.     When  does it take place?

 2.     Where  does it take place?

 3.     Why  is it taking place?

 4.     What is it about?

 5.     Who  is it about?

        

In reading the author's story, I couldn't find anything in it that states when it is taking place. I don't know if it is in the past, in the present, or in the future.

In the novel, "Lord of the Rings" the story begins in the year, 3018 of the Third Age.  In Jules Vern's novel, The Mysterious Island" when the story begins he gives the time as follows;

.......about four in the evening of the 23rd  of March, 1865.

In Frank Herbert's novel, Dune, he starts right off telling his readers something about the time of the events when he says—

The great Galactic Empire had lasted for thousands of years.

Admittedly, we don't know if he's talking of the past, present or future because he isn't telling us about our world but rather of a world millions of miles away. But considering the fact that the people in his novel can travel from planet to planet, it leads us to believe that Dune is a book of the future.

  

The author  in this book I was reviewing did make reference to the twelfth of May eve day but we don't know what era she is taking us in.

         

For short stories, especially fantasies, it is not so necessary to advise the reader of what era the story is taking place but in novels, it's a must.

In the author's novel, I did find some reference to where her home was, when she says on page 4 and I quote;

         

Her father's people were happy and content with their blessed lives in Galtee........

Unfortunately, we don't know if 'Galtee' is of this planet, or a million miles away in a distant galaxy.

In Jules Vern's Mysterious Island, he states where the action takes place in the second paragraph of chapter one.

  ........above the vast watery desert of the Pacific.

  

In Frank Herbert's novel, Dune, he describes the setting in his novel thusly;

In a far corner of the empire was a desert planet called Dune. Far across the galaxy from Dune is a world called Caladan.

        

In Arthur C. Clarke's The Songs of the Distant Earth, he describes Thalassa (a distant planet) on page 5 in the following manner;

         

They must have the old maps--they know that Thalassa is almost all ocean.

         

If the reader think's the protagonist is talking about Earth under a different name, the author clears up such a misconception when near the end of the first chapter the narrative says;

        

But no instrument could show the orbiting cinder that had been the planet Earth.

         

As to the third question, I had no difficulty in determining why Allison wanted to find the Sacred Grove. She said it on page 9;

         

My mother is ill. I left two of my sisters tending to her in her sickbed. Alex.....my third sister and I, set out two days ago to find the sacred grove. I don't even know if it exists.

         

Unfortunately, the author hasn't told us what the protagonist will find in the Sacred Grove that will make her mother well, but I presume that it is some fruit or water with magical powers. If it is, she should have spelled that out to us right from the start. She has left us with no formulated premise. By this, I mean, we don't know what the ultimate aim of the protagonist is.  We should have learned that in the first chapter.

            

No emotions, no matter how cleverly portrayed, no conflict, no matter how dramatically staged, no suspense, no matter how brilliantly written, will amount to anything if the book itself lacks direction or a premise.

         

For example, in Romeo and Juliet, the premise is clear—that being that love defies death. In Ghosts, the premise is—the sins of the father are visited upon his sons; in Toiken's Ring trilogy—the premise is forces of good overcome the forces of evil but at a price. 

             

Admittedly, the premise in these books didn't appear until much later in the books but there was a hint in the first chapters that gave the readers an idea of where the books were going. 

        

Alas, in the author's novel, the only hint of a premise is the mention of the 'Sacred Grove' and that what is there may help the girl's dying mother. But I think the premise should have been spelled out in greater detail in her first chapter.

        

In Frank Herbert's novel, Dune, he wrote from the beginning as to

what is the purpose of going to the planet 'Dune' and that is part of what that the story is about. He wrote;

It was the most important planet in the Empire, because it was the only planet on which the spice melange could be found. It gives people strange mental powers.

      

 In the prologue of C.J. Cherryh's novel, The Tree of Swords and Jewels, the author spells out the goal of one of the main protagonists in the first chapter.

         

He saw the King's champion as a sure means to the revenge he desired.

        

         

Question four gave me trouble because I don't know what the uthor's novel is about. This is where the premise is missing again. I don't know if it is going to be about;

         

1.     a search for the Sacred Grove;

         

2.     a love story between the protagonist and  Tarnest;                                                                                                            

3.     a battle between the protagonist and her evil  uncle;

        

4.     or all three, or something else altogether that  is different.                                 

         

In Frank Herbert's novel, Dune, he has this to say about the goals of the protagonists and he says it right from the start;

         

Their legends said that someday a great leader would come to their world. He would set their world free, and change the galaxy forever. They were right and this is the story of how it

happened.

        

I found no difficulty in answering question five as the author tells us who the protagonist is on the fifth line.

         

What I did find fault with is that the character is  extremely flat. In fact I know nothing about her other than that she's a young woman and a princess. The reader shouldn't have to wait until page four to find out that the protagonist is a young woman. And also what I don't know about her is the following;

         

1.  Her physical description; Is she tall or short, fat or thin, beautiful or ugly?

         

2.  Her mental disposition; Is she carefree or morose, stupid or brilliant, a thoughtful or thoughtless individual? 

         

In order for me to feel close to the protagonist, I must know something about her. I felt distant because I couldn't envision what she was like with reference to her physical and personality traits. Worse yet, as a reader of the author's story, I don't even know the protagonist's name. However further In the story, the author implies that the protagonist's name is Allison.  Also, never name a character in your story using  your own name. 

         

Tarnest was even more of an enigma. We know that he's a young man, he's a fairy, and that he's kind. What we don't know is;

        

Whether he's tall or short, fat or thin, handsome or ugly or has evil designs upon Alison or her people.

        

In Frank Herbert's novel Dune, he describes one of the protagonist right from the start in the following manner;

         

Inside the castle, young Paul Atreides sat in a warm, bright training room.  He was dark-haired, handsome boy of 15. He wore a fine uniform, the clothing of a noble........

        

From these three lines near the beginning of the story, the reader has learned that this protagonist is;

        

1.     young;

         

2.     athletic because he's in a training room;

        

3.     dark-haired;

         

4.     handsome;

         

5.     a boy of 15.

         

\6.     well dressed;

         

7.     of noble blood.

        

Right from the beginning, the reader can understand something of one of the protagonists because he knows something about him. 

In Frank Hurbert's Whipping Star, he begins describing the protagonist in the first paragraph of the book.

                

         

Furner was his name. Alichino Furuneo. He reminded himself of this as he rode into the sky to make the long-distance call. He was wise to firm up his ego before such a call. He was sixty-seven years old and could remember many cases where people lost their identity. 

         
Monica Hughes in her fantasy novel, Sandwriter, doesn't give the age of the protagonist until page three in which she slips it in rather surrepitiously in the following manner.

         

Beside it walked a girl, no more than fifteen or sixteenyears old—my  age thought Anita enviously.

        

A novel without conflict is a dinner plate without food. You will look at it for a short while and then leave it. If the author's first chapter is a hint of what's for supper, we are going to go to bed hungry.

        

The conflict in the author's first chapter is as follows;

         

1.     Confusion about the morning going by quickly.

         

2.     Remembering being chased by dogs.

         

3.     More confusion about the sun disappearing or moving.

         

4.     Mother very ill and her life in danger.

        

5.     Remembering the infighting of her family.

        

6.     Remembering that her evil uncle wants to marry her.

                 

 All we got was little snippets to salivate over but nothing more.  For example, it would appear that the protagonist's evil uncle is going to have a major part in the story. If so, the author could have milked that for what it was worth right in the first few pages.  Let me give you an example;

         

Alison watched her uncle as he slipped out of her mother's room.  She had an uneasy feeling about the evil in the man. Any man who tries to seduce his brother's daughter in order to wrest the kingdom from those in line to the throne, must be driven from the land.  But Alison knew that her father depended on his brother's strength because he lacked it himself. It was that strange relationship between the two men that would bring downfall to one and power to the other.  But what Alison feared the most, was that his uncle had slipped a slow-acting deadly poison into her mother's drink. If this was so, then Alison would have to find the antidote and that could only be found at the sacred grove.

         

Via the protagonist, Alison (the character in the book) finds refuge with the fairies and I found an interesting similarity between Alison's novel and the one written by Charles Kingsley with reference to the themes of both of their first chapters.

         

Kingsley's fantasy novel, Water Babies is a fairy tale of Tom, a young Yorkshire chimney-sweep who has been  an apprentice to a cruel and drunken task-master called Grimes. While in a large house, he accidently knocks down the fire-irons while in the room of a beautiful little girl and is chased out of the house and into the moors. There, he is helped by a strange Irish woman who leads him to the brink of Lewthwaite Craig. The boy goes down a thousand feet and at the bottom, hears church bells and is helped by a kindly village schoolmistress but when she leaves him, he searches for the source of the bells. He comes to a river and is thirsty and hot and dirty so he falls into it and after being submerged for two minutes, he turns into a water baby. The Irishwoman, who is really the Fairy Queen enters the water and warns her fairy subjects not to show themselves to Tom as he is still a savage.

         

Now as you can see the first chapter of Water Babies is extremely fast moving and forces the reader to read on in great anticipation. Unfortunately, Alison's book is extremely slow paced and many readers may find it lacking in suspense or more importantly, lacking in conflict.  Without 'conflict' the story is unsaleable.

         

Admittedly, there is a hint of conflict when the protagonist mentions the evil designs of her uncle but there must also be conflict in the first chapter between Alison and the people or thing's she meets.

         In Water Babies, the first chapter deals with various forms of conflict. They are;

        

1.  Tom is working for a cruel master. (a person)

        

2.  He causes the fire-irons to fall. (himself)

3.  He is chased out of the house and through the moors by (other persons)

         

4.  He comes to the brink of a deep canyon and climbs  down it. (nature)

         

5.  He learns that the Fairy Queen is telling the other water babies         to keep themselves hidden from Tom (other person)

 In reading the first chapter of the author's novel, the only real conflict I found was where she describes the evil intentions of her uncle.

         

This is the limit of the conflict in the story. In my respectful opinion, the story lacks any real conflict and if it lacks real conflict in the first chapter, a publishing company won't read the second chapter.

         

The story is a sweet, enchanting and a pastoral fairy-tale but it must go beyond this concept if it is to be saleable in a world where millions flock to see movies about heroes and heroines fighting dragons and gouls. In every fantasy novel that has any real success in the publishing world, the first chapter, if it doesn't introduce the reader to dragons and gouls or other evil entities, it at least tells you about their existence.

         

In Snow White, you just know that the evil step-mother in the first chapter is going to reappear in a subsequent chapter as something very evil.

       

  Perhaps in the author's book, she intends to bring the evil uncle back but if she does, there was no hint of it in her first chapter where there should have been.   

         

For example, all we know of her uncle is what the author has told us is in 4 lines two thirds of the way into chapter one.

         

"Last week, my uncle approached me with a ridiculous plan to resign my other sisters to convents or marry them off in far-away kingdoms, so that I could take complete power. With him at my side," she laughed, "as my husband. Ridiculous, evil, loathsome man."

         

As mentioned earlier, that's the only sign of conflict inthe story thus far.

           

In Snow White, we meet the evil step-mother right in the beginning of the story. She is talking to a mirror and you can tell from the expression on her face that she is not pleased with the mirror's response. The next thing we are told, she is talking to a woodsman and she wants him to take Snow White into the forest and kill her and bring the child's heart back to her as proof of the evil deed being done.

           

In Snow White, we have actually met the evil woman, In the Author's book, I don't know why the first letters of Dene Sheen are in lower case, but believe me, this is not right. I presume that it is a place and in all places the first letter of names are capitalized. There are no exceptions anywhere, not even in fantasy land. Quite frankly, it looks as if the author is attempting to make the words stand out and if so, that's not the way to do it. The names by themselves are quite distinctive enough.  'Seven Tribes of Deenee Shee look just fine.

Tarn wasn't interested in her title or heritage as heacknowledged her pronouncement with an indifferent nod.

         

This next sentence is one which has two possible meanings.

         

They had arrived at a clear rock pool being fed by a small waterfall. 

    

         

Was this a pool of clear rocks, or a rock bottom poolwith clear water? It might look better if it were rewritten thusly;

        

They had arrived at a rock bottom pool filled with clear water that came from a small waterfall at one end of it.

        

Strains of individual instruments filled the air.....

         

The use of the word, 'strains' must only mean one thing and one thing alone when describing music.  They are musical airs or tunes or passages of musical expressions. These can only be created by or performed by musicians not by the instruments themselves. Strains are musical tunes, not musical notes. Since instruments give out musical notes and musicians play strains (from musical tunes) the sentence should read;

        

              

Strains from individual instruments filled the air......

         

This would mean that each performer was playing his own tune while warming up—something that's very common with symphony orchestras. Hence, each instrument would have a strain emanating from it

              

....were sitting throughout the trees surrounding the clearing.                                                                     

        

It should read; …were sitting among the trees surrounding the clearing.

         

You only use the word, throughout if you used the word forest instead of trees. 

              

 Now look at this omission coming up. Tarn says to Alison;

              

I know of your plight, which is also our plight......

               

The author makes no mention to her readers at this point in the story that Alison is amazed that Tarn knows of her plight, especially since Alison didn't even know Tarn before.

                    

......with a chalice of nector tasting suspiciously like the fruit she had earlier consumed.

         

The word, 'suspiciously' shouldn't be used if the nector merely tastes like the fruit, after all, it probably came from the fruit. That word should only be used if there is something sinister about the two tastes being alike.

         

They finally collapsed amid the trees in gales of laughter and giddiness brought on by the consumption of too many glasses of nector,

         

Who are they that the author is speaking of? Is it Tarn and Alison? If so, then where was it written that Alison had more than one glass of nector? Remember—Tarn returned with a chalice of nector.  That's one chalice of nector—not too many glasses......

          

Further, why was the word, glasses used when just before that sentence, the word, chalice was used?  Further, a chalice is shaped as a cup and is used for religious purposes only. I think the words 'glass goblets' would have been more appropriate.

        

The author has mentioned that Alison suspected that the nector tasted like the fruit she had eaten earlier. For it to  come from something else, is to imply that there are two fruits with similar tastes.  Admittedly, Tarn has stated that the nector came from the Colfrais tree. Did the fruit Alison ate earlier that tasted so great that her taste buds were overloaded that came from the same tree? If so, some mention should be made by Tarn that the nector comes from the same fruit Alison ate earlier. If not, then the author should omit the words 'tasting suspiciously like the fruit she earlier consumed.'

         

What follows is terrible.

               

Alison's face deflated. The smiles gone.

         

For a face to deflate; it would have to be puffed out and there is no mention of Alison's face being puffed out. Further, there was no mention that just before Alison mentioned her experiences with the dog creatures that she was smiling at Tarn.

         

I suggest that the lines be re-written thusly;

        

               

At the mention of his mother, Alison envisioned her own mother, lying on her sickbed, waiting for Alison to return. The mere thought of that image caused Alison's face to sag in sorrow.

         

Now look at this next sentence.

              

........someone was following us. Horrible dog creatures.

         

The author used the singular someone with the plural

creatures.

         

Further, the word, someone can only be used when referring to human beings, not dog creatures.  The sentence should be re-worded as;

               

........when it appeared that dog creatures were following us.

              

The telescope.......fit perfectly into Alison's small hand.

        

It seems strange that a sailing captain would at one time or another possesses a small telescope, so small that it would fit into Alison's hand.

               

The light in the trees advanced.

        

If Alison saw two firefly-like lights advancing towards her, she would see lights and not just one light. If the lights created a glow, then it would be correct to say;

               

The glow from the increasing number of firefly-like lights advanced.

               

What follows, was not milked to its fullest. It was the first time that Alison realized that she was something different than she had been before. I will quote from the author's actual words.

               

She moved forward to verify her suspicion but felt unnaturally buoyant. Looking down at her feet, she was amazed to see that she was now floating two feet above the grass.

               

This incredible part of the story could have been written in a more fantasy-like manner, such as;

               

      She moved forward to satisfy her curiosity as to what the pulsating, firefly-like beings were. As she stood up, she felt as if it had been effortless. She moved her right foot forward to make the first step towards the approaching lights when suddenly a chill ran up her back and to the top of her head. She looked at her foot to see why it hadn't touched the ground beneath her since he foot was a few inches from the surface of the ground. As she moved her left foot in place to brace herself against the fall she expected, her left foot, like the right foot, didn't touch the ground either.

           "Am I walking on air?" she asked herself aloud.

           No sooner had she asked that question when she suddenly felt herself rising upwards.

           "Why am I flying?" Alison asked herself.                 

         Just then, she felt herself falling forward. She placed both

hands in front of her to brace herself against the fall to the ground. Then at that moment, she began moving forward, at first slowly, then faster as the seconds passed.                

         "I am flying!" screamed Alison. She began rising above the tops of the trees. Whatever direction she twisted her body, she moved in that direction.

         She flew upside down, right side up and every which way.

           "I'm a bird!" she cried out in utter joy. "I'm a bird!"

           It was then that Alison began wondering to herself. "Am I a bird or am I a fairy?"  Then a slight fear came across her.  "What am I?  Am I still a human being?"

       

  I am a bit confused on this next sentence.

               

She also missed a familiar voice cursing her in aunfamiliar language.

         

It must have been Tarn but there is no mention of him even being there until sometime in the next page. If Tarn was flying also, like the other firefly-like creatures, she would have seen the light from his body, and that is what she would have missed.

       

What's with this next line?

               

This night goes on for days.

         

There is nothing preceding this statement that even hints that this particular night has lasted for days. She has seen the sun come up, remain stationary and then disappear but nothing about repeating that cycle. Instead of using the word night, she should have used the word darkness. 

             

We have inhabited these woods, you see, for years.

         

There is no way that she can see that Tarn and his people have inhabited these woods for years so the author should leave out the words 'you can see'.

               

....to what no other man can never have in his own world—forever dancing, singing and making love.

        

The word, 'never' should be 'ever' and since  Alison is a young woman, I am wondering why Tarn talks about what other men can never have when Tarn means no other person, be they men or women.

        

And why didn't Tarn mention the one thing that other men and women can't do-—is to fly like fireflies? 

         

This next sentence is terrible. Sorry but it is just bad.

"You have many talents—talents that surpass any individual of a single or combined tribe."

          

It would be better written as;

               

"You have many talents, talents that make you unique among the members of all tribes."

        

         

This is the end of my review of Chapter One of the novel "FOUR CORNERS OF THE KINGDOM" Despite my severe criticism of this work, I still like the story. There is an enchantment about it that makes a reader wishes he or she was there.

        

There is a great deal more to be done with this chapter (and I presume with the book) before it becomes saleable.

         

The major faults I found with this chapter on occasion were as follows;

        

1.   Inconsistency between objects and things

        

2.   Poor choice of words

        

3.   Words inadvertantly left out

         

4.   Poor description or alternatively, lack of detail

        

5.   Very poor characterization

        

6.   Hardly any conflict in the story.

        

         

It is these kinds of faults that differentiate the failures from the successful authors who sell their novels and those that don't. If an author continues to have these failures in his or her novels, then their manuscripts end up being placed in boxes and when the authors die, their survivors end up throwing the unpublished novels out with the trash. It would be a sad ending for what may have been years of work. It is better to do it right and get published.  I sincerely hope this author whoea work I reviewed becomes successful and her work published.

That was the ending of my review of Chapter One of the author’s novel.


I hope that those of my readers who have ambitions of writing novels or short stories have found this article informative.