CONTROL YOUR PATIENCE 

              

By utilizing patience in your everyday life, your life experiences will be so much more rewarding. Further, it will reduce the level of your stress and we all know that stress can shorten our lives if we are too stressful much of our lives.   

Having patience doesn’t mean passivity or resignation, but it does give you control of your mind. It’s an emotionally freeing practice of waiting, watching, and knowing when to act rather than act impulsively.

Frustration is a feeling of agitation and intolerance that is  triggered when our needs aren’t met. It is tied to our inability to delay gratification. At our own risk, we’ve become too used to expecting immediate results.     

With patience, we are able to step back and regroup instead of aggressively reacting or hastily giving up on someone who’s frustrating us. We’re able to invest meaningful time in a relationship without giving up or giving in. In fact, patience gives us the liberating breath we’ve always longed to take.

Frustration prevents us from emotional freedom. Expressing frustrations in an effort to resolve them is healthy, but it must be done from a non-irritable, non-hostile place. If not, we will put others on the defensive. Wallowing in frustration leads us to endless dissatisfaction, placing us at odds with life. This kind of emotion makes us tense, kills our sense of humor. It also leads us to procrastination. It also causes us to put things off to avoid the annoyances involved. 

Using our intuition intelligently will make  us being patient. It means waiting our turn, knowing our turn will come to us  sooner or later. Once we’ve been patient while waiting, it reduces our frustration level. , it entails trusting the flow, knowing we wll arrive at our destination. With patience, we’re able to delay gratification, but doing so will make sense and feel that what we did is right. Why?  If something is worth going to, it is worth  being patience to get there.

Frustration focuses on externals whereas patience is a form of drawing us inward towards a greater recognition of what is actually occurring. Patience doesn’t make us into a doormat or makes us unable to set boundaries with people. Rather, it lets us  see the situation as it is rather than what we think it is.

To turn the tables on frustration by watching a long, slow-moving line in a store where we are waiting our turn to pay for the goods we want to purchase.  Perhaps in the grocery store, bank, post office. Or if you’re renewing your driver’s license, dare to take on the mother of all lines in the road. But here’s the switch: Instead of getting irritated or pushy, which taxes your system with a rush of stress hormones, take a breath. Tell yourself, “I’m going to wait peacefully and enjoy the pause. I will not blow my horn repeatedly.  Meanwhile, try to empathize with the overwrought cashier or government employee. Smile and say a few nice words to the other beleaguered people in line. Use the time to daydream; take a vacation from work or other obligations. Notice the stress release you feel, how your body relaxes. Lines are an excellent testing ground for patience. To strengthen this asset, I highly recommend standing in as many as possible. WOW: That will really tax your patience. Of course many people while their time looking at the screens of their smart phones when they are in long lines in a store.

Practicing patience will help you dissipate stress and give you a choice about how you respond to disappointment and frustration. When you can stay calm, centered and not act rashly out of frustration, all areas of your life will improve. A life  without stress can be a really wonderful experience.

I will admit that patience can be a struggle. I have seen some customers at the head of a line ignoring the cashier saying “Next.” because the next customer at the head of the line is ignoring the cashier because she is concentrating all of her attention looking at the screen of her smart phone.

I remember once when I was in my bank waiting in a line, the teller said, “Next.” The next woman at the head of the line ignored the call. She was paying more attention talking to the woman behind her,  I said to the man in front of me, “These two women are too busy to go to the teller. Why don’t you go to the teller instead of them?” He did. Then the woman who was actually the first in the line screamed at me when she said, “How dare you tell that man to get ahead of me?” I won’t tell you what my reply was but if you have  ever seen swear words in newspapers, you will remember how they were shown for sexual intercourse—f….ing bitch which is what I called her.  Admittedly I wasn’t patient with her but I enjoyed what I did to her and others in the line also enjoyed what I called that woman.      

Waiting at a traffic light for more than two minutes seems like an eternity. It certainly can be stressful. But drivers honking their horns behind me doesn’t reduce my stress. When I was in a taxi in Bangkok, Thailand, it took eight minutes for the lights to change. The reason was that three or four blocks of cars had to pass through the intersection. Needless to say, no driver honked his or her horn since it would be pointless.

We see impatience manifested in news reports of parents, in a fit of rage, abusing a child, even unto death. On our highways, incidents of mobile impatience, or road rage, result in violent accidents and sometimes fatalities.

On a less dramatic but much more common level are flared tempers and harsh words uttered in response to slow-moving customer lines, never-ending telephone solicitation calls, or children reluctant to respond to our instructions.

Patience may well be thought of as a gateway to virtue, contributing to the growth and strength of its fellow virtues of forgiveness, tolerance, and respect.

To become sensitive to the examples of patience and of impatience that occur around us every day, we should strive to emulate those individuals we consider to be patient and follow their examples.

Let me give you an example of patience. Back in the 1970s, I was accused of disobeying a police officer. I was given a $200 fine. Later I was pardoned and my record of conviction was destroyed on orders of the federal government. 

I decided to punish the cop who denied that he had charged me with that minor crime after he read my complaint about him. He was an ordinary cop. I decided to wait until he had a higher rank because I believe in that old adage that the higher they are, the harder the fall. Years later, he became a sergeant. Not high enough. Years later he was the chief of the Police Department. That was high enough. I filed a complaint to the Ontario Police Commission. They refused to investigate. I contacted the Ombudsman of Ontario and she wrote the Commission and told them that if they wouldn ‘t investigate the chief, she would. The Commision investgated him and suggested to the mayor and the aldermen of the city that he acted like a Roman Cesar  and should be fired.  

A hearing was scheduled and I was invited to speak before the city council as to my opinion. They had already read the report I had sent to the Commission in which I cited ten instances  in which he perjured himself at my trial,  Also I sent them a statement by his former partner who said that this cop used to beat prisoners after their hands were tied behind their backs. I also sent them evidence  that when he was in the Toronto Police Department, he was convicted of having sexual affairs with the wives of fellow police  officers who were on duty when he was off duty.

His lawyer told the council that I had been persevereing for the past seven years trying to do harm to his client and that I should’t be heard. The chairman said that since they invited me to address the Council  I could speak as long as I wished.

I turned and faced the 300 citizens attending the hearing and said.

“I will quote Mark Anthony when he was addressing the citizens of Rome upon the demise of Julius Cesar. He said, “ I am not here  to praise Cesar (I pointed to the chief) I am here to bury Cesar.”

The room exploded with laughter. Half an hour later, the chief was fired. I later learned that he was working as a security guard in another city. It was my patience that resulted in his career being destroyed.

I sincerely hope you don’t feel that I am preaching to you. If you are of that opinion, please have patience with me.