DEFINING THE GOOD PEOPLE  FROM THE BAD ONES

That is a difficult task that faces all of us because it can be a thin line that separates the two characteristics and we all are both good and bad however not at the same time.

As humans, there are times when we all do bad things and we all do good things.  Some people are really bad and others are really good. They are for the most part, easy to recognize because of their characteristics especially  if their actions  are pronounced.

Unless you're a genetic anomaly, it's likely you will meet people you don't like throughout your lifetime. Whether it's your mother-in-law or one of your colleagues, you are bound to come across someone you simply don't like at all.

Here are some of the traits in people that I have met that really turned me off.

Constant liars, bullies, thieves, people whining about everything, being constantly rude, not paying back the money I lent them, ripping me off, persons who are cruel to animals, their children and/or their spouses, and people who monopolize conversations.

I am sure you have met some of these kinds of people in your lives also.  I go out of my way to avoid them. Who needs that kind of aggravation especially when there are many decent people everywhere you would prefer to meet and become their friends.

Being treated like dog shit sucks.  It can happen for no apparent rhyme or reason such as people using you or treating you like dog shit.  They walk all over you while not thinking about what you want or what’s best for you. The trouble is, the more it happens, the more you feel like you can’t change it so the more it happens the worse you feel.

Many years ago, when I was working in an office, there was a woman in the office who constantly harassed us men in the office. She called us bastards, assholes and shitheads. I decided to put an end to her conduct.  I said in a loud voice, “I am sick and tired of listening to a slut like you. Shut your damn mouth.”

She screamed, “Did you call me a slut?” I replied, ”I did and you know that I have evidence  that you have been a slut for a very long time.”

I am an authority on the English language having been one of ten persons who compiled a Canadian Dictionary that is one of the dictionaries used in schools in Canada.    

The word, slut is defined in various dictionaries in part as a “vulgar woman.” Such a woman is marked by lack of taste, culture, delicacy, and manners and who uses vulgar words.

The woman I am writing about, her husband and our boss presumed that I was referring to her as being a prostitute  which is is one of the definitions of the word slut but that wasn’t what I was referring her as being.

Our boss said to me. “I have to presume that you are familiar with her background and have proof that she is a slut.”  I replied, “I have witnesses also.”  The witnesses I was referring to were the other employees in the office who heard her many vulgar words being uttered by that woman.

The filthy-mouthed woman immediately quit her job in our company.

Your response to someone’s behaviour teaches them what is and isn’t acceptable, so if you roll over and take whatever they give, the message is that it’s okay for them to do what they have been doing all along. And people will always do what works for them until they have evidence that it doesn’t work, or that there’s a better way. 

Asking the vulgar woman to stop harassing the men wasn’t enough for her to change her ways, hence I took the more forcible way to solve the problem.

Being a people-pleaser can put you into a bottomless pit because some people will take advantage of your kindness and milk you for whatever they can get from you.   

If you’re used to people walking all over you, it’s likely that you’re not used to asserting yourself. You might even feel like you’re powerless, but I guarantee you that you have natural confidence that you can apply to start effecting change in the way you deal with people.                                                                                            

Think of something you want to do where the question of whether you can do it or not arises. This might be doing something you do at home (like cooking a meal, laughing with your partner or decorating a room), it might be something at work (like taking part in a meeting, writing a report or seeing a way through a problem) or it might be something you do socially (like chatting with a friend, ordering wine at a restaurant or meeting someone new). Doing these things will bring you confidedncc.

Natural confidence is being able to trust your behaviour with implicit faith in your abilities, so when you’re doing something, there’s no doubt about your ability to do it since  you have full confidence. Applying that same sense of confidence to a new situation is what allows you to operate right at the edge or just out of your comfort zone, and this will feel uncomfortable.

If the ill-treatment against you has been happening for some time you might be feeling isolated in your experience, so it can be extraordinarily useful and important to talk about it, or even to ask for some support or help from your friends.  It is possible that other people are going through what you’re going through, and you don’t have to suffer alone.

Asking someone you trust to talk about what’s happening is not only a great way to offload a little, it just might allow you to step back enough to see a fresh perspective or another way out of your problem. You don’t need anyone to fix things for you, so don’t let that be your motivation here rather the point is to connect with another human being so that you’re supported by that person.

Some people are really toxic. Being around them makes you feel ill.  People who come on strong when they first meet you usually remain that way.

Whether it’s a casual conversation or even a job interview, people who tell you many ways you can improve yourself are generally toxic people. When someone leads with off with loads of advice, that’s just not healthy.

Naturally, we all have opinions that are valid. But in a healthy human relationship, we reserve opinions about others until we are asked to share them.

People who gossip are toxic.  Stay away from them because you may be the next victim of those toxic persons.

If someone is telling you things all the time and never waits to be asked, it’s a sign of toxicity. In really close relationships, it’s natural to volunteer opinions however; it should be done with humility, respect and concern for the person you are talking to.

Toxic persons hijack conversations. They never ask questions. They want to get control of the conversations without giving someone else an opportunity to participate in the conversation. Toxic persons want to be the center of attention and manipulating the conversation is their way of achieving that goal.

If you really want people to treat you right, if you want to end the abuse in your relationships and the disappointments in your friendships, and if you are hungry for the peace, happiness and joy of happy relationships than the drama of hurt and pain, be careful who you choose as your friends.

When you share in your friend's excitement, it's not too much to expect your friend to do the same for you. Get away from the friend who doesn't emotionally support you when something major changes in your life. That person isn’t interested in your emotional welfare.

The friend who expects you to do everything for him or her but doesn't do you any favors in return is self-centered and should be abandoned as a friend. 

Are opinions a bad thing? After all, we don’t mind opinions when they agree with our own. We’ve all become opinionated in this easy-share world. We send those opinions across space and time on social media and review sites. I am opinionated. If I wasn’t, I couldn’t write the articles in my blog. In my opinion, being opinionated has received a bad rap.  It is OK to be opinionated providing you are willing to listen to other opinions. Opinions shake things up and spark innovation.

Ignoring someone you don’t want as a friend is the proper and mature way to let them know that you do not want to have anything whatsoever to do with them but you should not let that negativity ruin your day. What's rude is pretending to like the person and then bad-mouthing the person. That is not ignoring the person, that is being indecent and very immature.

At work and family events you have to have a civil conversation you can't just walk around pretending the person doesn't exist. That is also rude.

It can be difficult to ignore someone who upsets you or causes you a lot of grief. This can be even more difficult when that individual is someone you have to see or interact with on a regular basis at school, work, or family events. 

 However, learning how to distance yourself from negative people and replace those individuals with positive, supportive people can help you preserve your own happiness and stability in life.

Stay away from places you know that person will be. The easiest way to ignore a person is to avoid encountering that individual altogether. You can reduce the chances of running into someone by avoiding the places you used to hang out together or where you know that person frequently spends his/her time.

Limiting contact with someone is a good way to ignore them without necessarily cutting them out of your life. Cutting off all ties with someone can be difficult if you are related or if you go to the same place together on a regular basis. However, it can help you avoid having to interact with the individual on a regular basis, which may make you feel better.

 Don’t expand on anything you say, and don’t ask them any questions either. Respond briefly and politely but show that you’re not interested in furthering the conversation b walking away.  Saying something rude or passive aggressive will only make things worse. Vent your negative feelings later to a trusted friend or a journal, but stay relaxed and polite to the person.

The silent treatment or cold shoulder as its more common referred to is when someone stops talking, starts ignoring and avoids social interactions with them.  It may be effective to the undesirable person to realize that his or her conduct is unwanted. It might even change the character of the abusive person or it may not.

I hope that this article has been informative for you.